My Empathy
For a long time, my empathy was something I was ashamed of. Growing up female, in a time when femininity was shunned and masculinity in young girls was encouraged, as if to prove that I was ‘cool’ or ‘down-to-earth’, resulted in the cold pretence that I was generally unfazed.
Side note: femininity shouldn’t mean emotional, it just happens to be viewed that way.
Anger stole my sad…
I channelled my rollercoaster of emotions into anger. Anger was strong, which was better than being sad and weak, or overwhelmed. I was so good at it, that I almost believed it myself.
I joked with my partner that we were both emotionless. We were the giggles at the funeral, and yet, my primary response to almost anything was anger. I was an angry child, and angry teenager and then an angry young adult.
I developed my personality around ‘generally unfazed but easily pissed off’.
I only ever let myself be emotional in private, or at times when I could blame it on hormones. But the more I bottled it up, the worse it got.
The truth is, I wasn’t just feeling emotions as an average emotional teenager, I was totally engulfed by incredibly strong waves, that were having a huge affect on my mental health.
I don’t just feel, I feel…
What is Empathy?
In short, empathy is a way of understanding someone else’s experience by imagining you are experiencing it. It is similar, in this way to sympathy, though empathy suggests a closer relation to feeling as others feel, rather than just thinking about how others feel.
The neurological cause of empathy is still under great debate. Plenty of research has been undertaken in the area and some scientists suggest the presence of neurons that are active in the action of observing and mimicking others’ behaviours may play a part. These neurons, ‘mirror neurons’, have been seen to activate in both the observation and the replication of actions, suggesting that they play a part in the use of cognitive function to simulate the emotional states of others in our own brain.
How I knew I was an Empath
Side note: I don’t mean the psychic kind, I just mean a highly empathetic person
After plentiful communication with my partner about his response to the other’s emotions, I considered I had a different way of experiencing them.
For instance, I found it difficult, if someone nearby was in poor mood, to ignore their emotion and continue feeling good. I found it frustrating and anxiety inducing, if I felt that someone nearby was not happy/content as it automatically made me feel ‘off’.
I also recognised that I was over analyzing very minor behaviours that may indicate mood changes or responses to stimuli in others. Constantly aware of their tell tale signs that they were not happy or that they were lying.
I found myself obsessing over other people’s emotions and constantly trying to figure out the route cause of their trauma or reactions.
I felt overwhelmed with emotion, good or bad, in large crowds such as at concerts or parties, and distressed at emotional stimuli in film/tv/radio.
On the other hand, I could not stop myself from gushing over puppies and babies.
I thought I had gone mad.
Empathy in a world of Tragedy
I find the emotional disconnect with tragedy in today’s media incredibly distressing.
The image of Alan Kurdi, the three year old syrian refugee that tragically drowned when his family attempted to flee in a dinghy that sunk off the coast of turkey, is permanently branded in my mind. I remember crying at the image and feeling horrified when my peers did not.
The screams of Ukrainian citizens fleeing russian soldiers that were played over news broadcasts on the radio this year made me pull over on the hard shoulder.
The news of the sentence of Sarah Everards murderer gave me rush of relief as if she was my sister.
I am so affected by tragic news stories that I have to limit my exposure to them. I find myself avoiding news apps and broadcasts to prevent these overwhelming states and I find it horrific that they have become such a norm that they have little, to no, impact on others’ lives.
Navigating this and the other effects of my empathy is challenging. I constantly am adjusting my habits and lifestyle to prevent emotional burnout and some of my best friends are the most emotionally challenging people to be around.
Are you an empath?
How do you navigate tragic events?
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Peanut
